This summer has been extremely emotional. It started out hopeful with the publishing of my novel, but then took a 180 degree turn when we were told nothing could be done for my grandfather. I lost my beloved grandpa on June 16 of this year and it has been quite difficult to accept. On June 21st, we were given a leave date for John's basic training with the Air Force and a short time later, we discovered that I am pregnant with our first child. Needless to say, this summer has been quite an emotional roller coaster for my family.
Grandpa went in to the hospital the last few weeks of the school year. I had initially decided to travel home the weekend we found out how bad his Kidneys were, but was told to stay in Florida and finish out the school year. The reports I was getting from my mom and aunt seemed to suggest that grandpa was making a turn in the right direction and that he would be able to come home from the hospital soon. The school year ended and I returned to Ohio for the summer and had plans to visit the hospital on Friday. My mom got the phone call on Thursday night that grandpa had taken a turn for the worst.
On Friday, I traveled with my mom, dad, sister and husband up to Lima to see him and visit with him. They told us a few hours later that because the dialysis had been working and grandpa was down to his "dry weight" they had discovered a problem with his heart. Grandpa would not make it much longer. In just a couple of hours, we had chosen as a family to move him to the Hospice Unit at St. Rita's Medical Center. Family made the trip from Columbus, Cincinnati, Dayton, Newport and Wapakoneta to be with him. He heard almost all of us (including the great-grandchildren) on Friday night.On Saturday, I made the trip back to Lima to see him and spend time with him and the rest of the family. My cousins who had been unable to make it to the hospital on Friday were able to come on Saturday and see grandpa. We think he was just waiting to hear all of us because he passed on shortly after their arrival. Grandpa passed away on Saturday, June 16 just after two o'clock in the afternoon.
That was really hard to type out. Over the course of the next week, we planned wrote his obituary, planned the visitation and the funeral and then put his body to rest. I think I was able to get a tiny bit of closure at the funeral when I got up to speak. I was able to tell him goodbye on my own terms. I've tried to stay strong for my mom, grandma and relatives - but sometimes I find myself thinking about him and break down. Especially recently.John and I found out on our one year wedding anniversary (July 9) that I was pregnant with our first child. This was exciting news, especially after being diagnosed with PCOS (an ovarian disease that causes infertility) at the age of 18 and told I would probably never have children. We are very excited. Then grandpa would enter my mind and I would find myself in tears realizing that my child is going to be this first great-grandchild that he will not be here to meet. I know in my heart that he knows and that he's watching over us from Heaven - but it still makes me cry from time to time. I just have to take joy in the fact that he has been given his health back and his eyesight back and even though he is not on earth to meet his great-grandchild that he will be able to see him/her from Heaven.
Along with the pregnancy, I am finding that I'm not very good at being pregnant. I'm a very independent, strong willed person. I hate not feeling well and I don't like not being able to do certain things. I'm sure I'll get used to it, but since finding out it has been a challenge for my to adapt to being pregnant. Though John is very cute about the whole thing - he's SUPER excited.
It's just been a difficult summer and now it is time to re-enter the world of the grown ups. Work starts back up on August 13 and our new group of 7th graders start back on the 20th. I'm going to be adapting to a new curriculum this year as I move from the Social Studies department to the Language Arts department. My time as a military spouse will start up in October and my first military move will take place next year.
So much has happened in such a short amount of time that I'm finding myself flustered. I haven't found anytime to accomplish any of my plans. I didn't work on my new novel at all this summer as I had hoped. I haven't gotten to spend much time with my family at all because I've worked WAY more than I thought I was going to this summer. Now I'm heading back to Florida...and I wont get to see my family again until my parents come down to go on their cruise. Then probably not again until Thanksgiving or Christmas.
I'm ready for a pause.
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